Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize