Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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