i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
