how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
