i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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