i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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