I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Randomize
