I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
