i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
