Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i think i just lost a toe
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
