Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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