Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
