Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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