Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
