Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
