theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
