Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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