you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize