Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
