oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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