If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
