I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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