Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
