I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
