Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
