I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
