for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
