maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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