I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
