Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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