piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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