I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
