you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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