I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize