apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
