Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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