my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
