I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
