Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't turn off my feet"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
