you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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