I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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