Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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