you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
