My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
