Do you still have your period?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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