rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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