I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Everything about him screamed your future.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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