According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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