I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
