I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
