So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
