my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
