and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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