i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
