i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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