Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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