What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize