sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize