no, he came in my armpit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm always down for nudity.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
