if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
