you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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