just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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