She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
