There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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