Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
