Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
