Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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