Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
