She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
