Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
