i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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