Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
