I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
