I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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