We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
