If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
