i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
