well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
