eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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