I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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