i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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