so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
