How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
