I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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