Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
