He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
