"it" just moved
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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