I just saw a hot homeless man
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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