I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
