Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
