Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize