he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
