do herpes really smell.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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