yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We are two peas in an std pod
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
