I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
