I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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