he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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