lets start a swedish sibling band together
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
