it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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