It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
