If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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