it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
