She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
