He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
