Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
