She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
