You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize