Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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