tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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