You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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