Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
