he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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