my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize