He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
