I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize